fish out of water

Last night I went to my ward's Relief Society activity at the church, a create meals to freeze thing, with the idea that I'm new to the ward and going to activities is really the only way to get to know people. This has always worked for me in the past and usually helps me get into a calling where I get to know more people. I walked to the church as it's a mere two blocks away and thankfully, was met in the hallway by the one woman I've talked to because her kids are the same ages as my step-kids (I still can't get over that whole idea. so. weird.) and we've been trying to get them to play together. I was greeted by a couple of other people I've talked to before in RS, which made me feel like I actually know people and am not quite as new as I feel.

The evening was basically four tables set up in the room next to the kitchen with all the ingredients and the recipe for creating four different meals  you can freeze and then throw in a crock-pot to cook later. I had signed up to do two of the meals (lemon chicken and beef fajitas) but since I was subbing in Primary on Sunday, I missed the announcement that we needed to bring our own cutting boards and knives, and didn't have anyway to cut any of the ingredients. I ended up having to throw uncut stuff in bags and promise myself to cut them up later (they are still waiting in the fridge!). Because I didn't have to cut up peppers and onions and garlic and lemons and anything else, I finished way before anyone else and found myself making small talk as I sort of hovered around the tables, trying to get my social fill for the evening before heading home to hang out with my hubby.

Here's my epiphany of the evening: I don't know how to socialize as a married person.

Weird. Who knew it would be different?! Before I was married, people knew I was a working woman, single, etc. Now, all anyone knows about me is that I married the divorced man from the ward and I have two part-time kids. Being single in a family ward, you tend to become the "project" of sorts for people and thus find acceptance in being the "odd one out". Now, I'm just like everyone else-- have a husband, a house, kids to cook for, etc.-- except I feel like a fish out of water and I wish I could ask all these amazing moms and wives their secrets for family success. 

It's hard, in general, being new in ward, and I'm adjusting to the fact that as people get to know me, they are also trying to get to know my family. It's different. I'm used to talking to women about their families to get to know them, and it's strange being on the other side of that conversation when I'm still adjusting to the whole family thing myself.